Muzak in general is designed to get on certain people’s nerves. Christmas Muzak is designed to make people hate Christmas. From the fast-yet-light-jazz rendition of “Jingle Bells,” where the woman singing it sounds like she’s on methamphetamines, to the nauseating version of “Santa Baby” sung by a guy. Moods change when this type of stuff is forced into our ears.

I didn’t notice for a while this past week that we didn’t have ANY music playing for the first half of my shift. My mood was better, customers in general were nicer, the hours were flying by. For working a few days before Christmas, it was actually kind of pleasant. Then one of the managers noticed a lack of dark hatred bleeding from the stores PA system, switched the Muzak on, and the day ground to a halt, moods on both sides of the registers got less patient, and my hope for humanity was diminished once again.